Author: spookydillow

Today I celebrated 35 years of employment with a company I once respected. This week has ranked among the hardest I’ve had. Incompetence of staff and contractors, lack of plant and planning and in general a feeling that nobody cares.

I’m tired of being stressed, full of anxiety and sadness. I’m getting to the end of how much more I can cope with and have thought of harming myself the last few days. I keep hearing this will pass but I’m not sure it will. My life seems to be falling apart and I can’t hold it together anymore.

I’ve begun to realise that no matter how much you do for people, no matter how much effort you give it will never be enough. I’ve been giving more than I should lately and on the day I couldn’t give anymore I was met with incredulity. Why does no-one come to help me on days when I’m spent? Why do people expect so much yet give little back in return. I’m beginning to realise its just me alone facing the future.

Feeling down today. Nothing much to look forward to apart from a cold winter and high energy bills. I wonder if life is worth it right now.

Happy birthday Mum. You’d be 80 today. I wish we were getting together for a celebration.

I love you Mum.

Thinking about my Dad today. Wish you were here to tell you everything. I miss you so much.